Friday, September 13, 2013

Standing On Your Own Four Feet

On your own 4 feet
This month Daniel and I have been finding out first-hand why "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." My mom says “Notice God doesn’t say it is not good for the woman to be alone” but I’ll be the first to up and say it's not good for me to be alone, and God knew it! 
If spending 2 weeks apart isn’t a great advertisement for marriage, then I don’t know what is. Wednesday night I got back from a visit with my parents, and we had each accomplished so much, but what a sorry state Daniel and I were in! I had hardly slept between the girls waking up a lot, dancing my feet off, having no one to spoon with, and the fact that when the lights go out I get my best ideas. If I am alone I turn the lights back on and start sketching and writing into the wee hours. When I got back Daniel had finished the kitchen renovation and a whole passel of other projects, and he was living on raisin bran and unseasoned ground beef that had gone bad in the refrigerator, popping antihistamines because of his allergies, and he wasn’t sleeping either! 

Sometimes I feel bad because I don’t bring in any money. I feel a little helpless because don’t even know what our bills are, let alone pay them. I don’t do anything with scheduling, planning, budgeting, filing, paying taxes, putting nails in the wall, comparison shopping... none of that. The way I have seen it I don’t stand on my own two feet when I am perfectly capable of doing so. After this trip I need to concede to Daniel though. There is a lot to be said for 3 good meals a day, someone remembering to change the filters on the air conditioners (hence the allergies), and getting into a bed with clean line dried sheets at night. Having someone to cuddle with and talk to every evening is really fantastic. Oh, and not having a slimy moldy shower. That’s super too. 

The advantages of singleness are that you have waaaaaaay more time to do things and no one’s preferences but your own to consult. 
Married I don’t know where the time goes, and the continual negotiation to find what works for both of you can be numbingly exhausting every once in a while. The great advantage of marriage is that together you can make a more balanced life than you would apart. Alone you have a lot of time, but also some social and *ahem* marital needs that don’t get met, and it is easy to turn to time-killers like media, alcohol, and procrastination to wile away the hours and numb yourself. If most of the time is spent to good purpose, then singleness is an amazing thing! That’s why Daniel always gives this rule of thumb about whether a couple should get married or not: “Can you accomplish more for the kingdom of heaven together than you can apart?” Taking two wholes and making a new whole can be a real challenge. “Opposites attract”, and then you have to resolve all of the opposition! Doing your own thing is so. much. easier. At the same time, all of that conflict resolution stretches and grows you. So maybe refraining from drinking milk straight out of the jug doesn’t really make you a better person in the grand scheme of things, but evaluating what is really important and learning to graciously put aside your freedom for the sake of making peace are spectacularly useful skills in pretty much every area of life. Peacemaking (which is not the same as being a push-over) is a kind of muscle that you may get more of a chance to build when you are married, besides being a fruit of the Spirit.
We have lots and lots of friends who are single. The reasons are complicated, and usually fairly good. Lots of you are doing way better than I would, and you are doing amazing things. I am merely musing upon the reasons why I am glad God married me off young. He must have known I couldn’t do it well because He wasted no time!   

In conclusion, (are you ready for the profound moral?) standing on my own two feet is highly overrated. It turns out four is better.

Be forewarned that if we don't die at the same time, Daniel and I have a pact that the survivor will hit up eHarmony (or whatever) at the earliest reasonable date, so don't say we shocked you! 

No comments:


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...