Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Sewing Lessons/Life Lessons

I've worked really hard in the last few weeks. One of the things I have finished is this coat. It is in my radical curve technique. When I started it I didn't have all of the bugs worked out. Since I have been experimenting for a few years now I've solved those old problems. I had to take this old body and cut the former sleeves off and do a lot of adjustment. Because I was still experimenting when I started this, and I didn't know how to get a stable pattern in this technique from start to finish then, the way the lining fits is not something I am proud of. That said, I have had it done for only a few days and I. Am. In. Love. Plus, I have tons of new ideas. I left the basting in the applique because I liked it that way. Maybe I'll do some embroidery, but I probably won't because... I'm lazy and I only do that for other people? That's so, if I am being honest!


***
Transformation takes pain, and these days I have been changing quickly, sometimes hourly, but I've been wondering where the snags are. It has been easy sailing for a few months, which makes me suspicious and nervous. Know what I mean?
When I was younger I used to wish that you could choose to have physical pain compressed into one harrowing hour or so and be done with it. I always thought I would prefer intense pain to a lingering discomfort. It occurs to me that this has happened now, but emotionally instead of physically. The years of depression and the darkest days, all of the sorting out of my messes that had to be done were, in a sense, pain compressed.
On a creative level I have agonized about how I've often felt left behind. I have talent, training, and drive, but because of the other pain and turmoil, little ability to bring those attributes to fruit. While others my age have found their creative voices and begun their journeys, I have felt stalled at the starting line, or maybe I didn't find out about the race until too late.
I am slowly relaxing and learning not to wait for the other shoe to drop. My dues are not all paid, of course, but so much of what I have needed to be released from in order to create, and in order to live has been addressed. I can't know the future, but I am learning to trust that it will be more than I could ask or imagine, designed and directed, thank God, not by me!

4 comments:

servingHimblind said...

If you don't want that jacket when you're done with it, I'll take it ;-)
How are you doing? I hope you feel better!

lydia said...

In your dreams, girlfriend! I am doing really well, thanks. On our vacation we biked 20 miles (in the mountains) and then hiked 10 the next day if that's any indication!

Laughing Lioness said...

I love this post, Lydia! You are a wise woman and beatifully captured a common struggle. Well written...and awesome jacket = )!

Carla said...

I Heart you, Lydia!

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